Episode 03: Adversity Is My Gift
Transcript:
Welcome to my podcast, asking the question, if not now, when? This is Cindie Brown and thank you for joining me today. For more information, visit me at www.ifnotnowwhen.best.
I've been thinking about regret lately and then the concept of destiny…"It was meant to be." But was it? It's hard to know for sure. And then to think if you had made a different choice what your life would've been like. Who knows that either? What I've experienced is sometimes when I make a decision to do something, it seems like there's a flow and circumstances present themselves to move in that direction. Coincidences happen and it seems like I easily move in that direction. Yet other decisions I make, it seems like there is a obstacle at every turn. So, is this destiny? The things that are meant to happen, happen with ease and when there're not, there're road blocks. Who knows for sure?
When I look into the review mirror of my life, like all of us, there have been many challenging times. Who knows if those experiences were or were not destiny. But what I do know is, all of them have made me who I am today and I chose to see them as gifts. All pleasant experiences I've experienced (the wonderful people I have met, the places I have visited, my family) are all blessings. But I do believe, the moments of struggle, grief, sorrow, disappointment have given me self confidence, compassion, appreciation, and knowing deep in my soul that no matter what, everything's going to be OK, and that true contentment is an internal not external experience .
For 9 years I worked with the Timeshare division of my company. It was a great experience. During the 9th year, they brought in two directors to oversee our division. I quickly learned their moral values didn't match the moral values of our company. And I was quickly asked to do some things that were immoral and not in the customer's interest. That was a defining moment for me where I had to stick my heels in my sand and say no I'm not going to do that and knowing that I would probably lose my job. It was nerve racking and it was one of those sit up at 4:00 in the morning with a panic attack not knowing if I was going to have a job that next week. Having to provide for my family with two young boys, the notion of losing my job shook me to my core. (By the way, as a side note, once it was discovered what was happening the two new directors they were fired immediately.) That experience allowed me to find that strength within to do what I knew was right regardless of outcome. Looking back at that experience, I can now say, thank God that happened because after that the what I call "the synchronicity of life" happened. I was in a charity walk and met someone in my company who needed a Director of Sales and Marketing in the lodging division and was offered the position. That job lead me to my current job which has brought me such joy. Those were hard times but again given me the strength, courage, the wisdom that has helped define who I am today.
I have a passion for biology and nutrition. I like to read about cellular biology like others may enjoy a romance novel. I know that sounds crazy. My other passion is dance. Yet, I pursued a career in the hospitality industry. Go figure. Rewinding time, would I have had a different life or a better life if I had pursued my passion for biology and nutrition or even dance? Who knows what that life would have been. But what I do know, is that the path I did take has provided a richness in my life experiencing things I would have never experienced otherwise and interacting with such amazing people both customers and team mates. So no, I don't regret not pursuing my passion for biology, nutrition and dance.
Another time I wondered if I had made the right choice in life when I went through my divorced. I thought I made a mistake marring the person I married. Thinking about what my life would have been if I had married someone else. Who knows what that journey would have been. But, what I do know is this is my journey. The fact that, my two son's, who I love with all my heart have shown me how powerful love can be. I can't imagine life without them is the reason there is no regret for marring the man I did. Also, it has given me great strength I may not had had otherwise. My personality is really to please others and I am super conflict adverse. I just like to leave when there is any kind of conflict. And you know those can be good qualities but it is very easy to lose yourself and life can be off balance. So that whole process gave me strength and confidence in myself, it forced me to learn techniques to calm my nerves, it made me fearless, it taught me to be true to myself. Through adversity comes strength and that's what happened to me. So, did marry the right person? I think so.
I don't know if anyone else does this but I used to replay movies in my mind. When something bad happened, I would replay that scenario like a movie over and over and over in detail with everything that happened. And each time I played that movie in my mind, my body reacted because I would feel that emotion over and over again. Experiencing that emotion multiple times anchored the negative emotion so deep in my soul that it was very hard to uproot that feeling. It took a lot of work, but, well actually to simply realize what I was doing but then a couple of years of work for me to be free from that grasp of negativity. It was a poison in my body. One of the things I did to stop the "movies in my mind" was every time a "movie" would start I would interrupt that thought with "I have now and now is good" almost like a mantra. And with that I would think the past is gone and who knows what's going to happen later. But in this moment, is good. I would make sure I felt that sense of peace grabbing on to the moment. The second thing I did and still do is the ritual of morning affirmations. This has really allowed those positive thoughts to become emotions. Those emotions filled my consciousness and moved me from that ball of negativity in my soul to one of release and peace. It has paved the way for healing, for a new consciousness and a new way of living my life. When I played those movies in my mind, I was giving my power away allowing those thoughts to control my emotions that triggered a physical reaction.
You know, all the cells in our body always respond to every thought we think. Form follows consciousness. Thoughts are things and eventually my body responded with lymphoma. My oncologist helped me back to health and now it's my responsibility to stay that way. She did her job and now I need to do mine. Again, no regret because it's forced me to learn and grow by figuring out how to do my job. One of the things I learned was forgiveness so I'm not stuck in the past and freeing myself. That was a powerful lesson. I have nine affirmations I read and internalize daily on forgiveness. You know, through that adversity, I'm strong and all the different minor things that happen in life, I don't internalize. I think once faced with a life threatening disease, life looks different, priorities change and the level of appreciation for life increases exponentially. As scary as that was it was I also a gift.
I'll share these helpful affirmations I have used for years from Louis Hay in the show notes. When I was on a mission to heal myself mentally and physically, I remember the day I sat at a Barns and Noble with a cup of coffee and wrote all the affirmations down in my notebook. That note book has been with me ever since and reading those affirmations is part of my morning routine.
You know I have this innate belief that it's all gonna be OK and it's not just lip service. In my soul I know that everything will be fine. That "knowing" is empowering. A book a just finished listening to by Vischen Lakhiani called "The Code of the Extraordinary Mind" describes an a new word and concept of being "unfuckwithable". I kind of hope my boys don't listen to this episode because I have taught them not to use that word around me teaching them respect but in any case, that's the word and what it means is nothing can mess with me because I will not take on the negative, the anger or hate of others. I will not own that by holding grudges. I let all of that go. I forgot which marshal art form it is but it's were you use the energy of your opponent as a defense. An example is if your opponent is moving toward you ready to attack, step aside and let that energy keep going instead of blocking it taking it in and trying and push it away. That's how I see this as well. I let that energy go.
The other concept that has helped me, is knowing that nothing has power within itself to create stress. We are what creates the stress. It's how we react to stimulus or to the environment or to what's happening that creates the stress. Therefor, if my perception of what is happening is, knowing, it's going to be a life lesson, knowing, it's going to be ok and knowing that innately, then I'm not giving the negative situation power and it makes me, unfuckwithable.
Living without regret or adversity is my gift. Living a life of the "would've, could've, should've-s doesn't serve me. Instead, understanding that my life "is what it is". You know there are lessons in every experience weather it's the thought, "everything happens for a reason" or maybe it doesn't. But one thing is for sure, it happened and it's now part of your life experience. The good news is as Lisa Nichols says, "Every day we can hit the reset button", love that. The person that was…is no more. So regretting the past as we evolve in our lives and we become a different person as we grow and learn and have all these experiences. Being at peace with the decisions we've made in the past is liberating.
I share my experience hoping it'll be helpful and possibly make a difference in someone's life or at least provide tools to interrupt the negative thought processes when we face challenges to more empowering thoughts. In life's journey, we have more that unites us than separates us and our basic desires in this journey we call life are similar. So regardless of the circumstance, we tend to share many of the same desired outcomes.
If there's anybody out there that's living a life of regret or wishing they had done something different or made a different choice or still running those movies in your mind, I want you to know that for me, not regretting what's happened or not regretting the decisions I've made and understanding they have all served a purpose for greater good has truly given me a freedom from regret to the feeling of joy and contentment. I have also been able to feel a sense of peace knowing that everything that has happened in my life thus far (good and bad) has made me who I am and I a thankful. Weather that is destiny or not, who knows. What I do know, looking at life and looking at all of our experiences knowing we are who we are from those experiences, we can choose to interpret them in a way that empowers us instead of living a life of regret.
I'm so grateful for you joining me today and wishing you peace, love, joy and good health. Goodbye for now.
Show notes:
Below are the affirmations that I have used to heal and part of my morning ritual from Louise Hay, founder of Hay house. https://www.louisehay.com/
Affirmations for health
I trust my inner wisdom
I accept perfect health I allow my body to be vibrant and healthy now
I honor my body and I take good care of it
I radiate love and love fills my life
All is well and all is working for my heights good. I am completely healthy. Each cell in my body is healthy.
My body knows how to heal itself my
Cells are working in a healthy atmosphere
My body is pure love
I enjoy the foods that are best for my body
I love every cell in my body
I make healthy choices
I have respect for myself
I will live to a healthy old age because I take loving care of my body now
I am constantly discovering new ways to improve health
I returned my body to optimum health by giving it what it needs at every level
Healing happens I get my mind out of the way and I let my body heal naturally.
I'm divinely guided and protected at all times
I'm grateful for my healthy body. I love life.
I am the only person that has control over my eating habits and I can always resist something if I choose to
Water is my favorite beverage I drink lots of water to cleanse my body in mind
Filling my mind with loving thoughts is the quickest way to health.
Affirmations for stress:
I let go of all fear and doubt and life becomes simple and easy for me
I create a stress free world for myself I breathe in and out and I find myself relaxing more with each breath
I am a capable person and I can handle anything that comes my way
I am centered and focused and I feel secure
I trust myself to deal with any problems that arise during the day
I realize stress is fear I now release all fear
I am making positive changes in my life
Affirmations for forgiveness:
As I change my thoughts the world around me changes
I claim my own power by not being a victim
I give myself the freedom from the past and move to the joy of the now
There is no problem too big or too small that it can't be solved with love
I am ready to be healed I am ready to forgive and all is well
I know all the negative patterns no longer live in me I let them go with ease
As I forgive myself it becomes easier to forgive others
I forgive everyone in my past for any perceived wrongs I release them with love
All the changes before me are positive ones an I am healthy and safe
How to find Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mind Valley and author of The Cod of the Extraordinary Mind: https://www.vishen.com/
How to find Lisa Nichols Founder of Motivating the Masses: https://www.motivatingthemasses.com/